Breakfast at Tiffany’s Is Getting Horny on Main

Transcript

Kelli: You rarely drink when we record

Matt: I know. I was like, why not? Might as well?

Kelli: Be bad today, Susan

Matt: It’s time again for Quiche-Anon your favorite podcast about conspiracy theories and food. I’m Matt,

Kelli: And I’m Kelli.

Matt: we are back in your. Ears, because that’s a podcast who listened to it. You don’t read it. You can though, cause there’s a transcript, but we are talking about, I’m not exactly sure what this time.

So we might as well just sort of, kind of get right. Get right into it because heaven knows. we’re back. You didn’t know we were gone because I edited around my expletives and everything, but I think we’re talking about some famous peoples tonight.

Kelli: We are we are talking about Marilyn Monroe and was she murdered?

Matt: who’s to say,

Kelli: Who is to say, and also it’s not a conspiracy. It’s just something that I wrote down several times while I was J Edgar Hoover, such a bastard. And why didn’t he have a better hobby

Matt: do we have

Kelli: A Dick?

Matt: or is that just

Kelli: No, that’ll be a work job for me to figure it out.

What was wrong with J Edgar Hoover?

Matt: Yeah, you could say if you’re good at something, never do it for free. Well, you know, here we get into Marilyn. I have gotten some really pretty positive feedback or last episode are, you know, Jack, the ripper extravaganza. I think people missed us being funny. And I don’t know, again, of our fives of listeners, you know, I don’t know

how you all

feel about it, but

Kelli: to twelves of you.

Matt: yes people told me, they thought it was really funny.

And I said, I think we went a little comedy feral after not like will Ferrell, like the way that everybody’s acting. it’s “Hot Everybody Summer”, I guess, hot pants summer.

Kelli: Hot everyone summer.

Matt: hope that, you know, those of you who are listening, that you did enjoy it. And such an, Oh, we’ve talked about having guests on the show a bunch of times and loyal listeners will know that we’ve never actually done it, but I feel like we need to do that soon. So, this person I know in tech, she had tweeted and said, I want you to invite me on your podcast.

And in reality, she probably would want to be on, you know, I would think she’d want to be on my tech show, but I’m like, why did you come on Arrested DevOps? Or Quiche-Anon, I dunno. And she’s like, I love food. I want to come on that. And I’m like, okay. So we’ll figure out something for Ali to rant

Kelli: have to remember to talk about food. The episode she comes on.

Matt: It’s true. It will be very disappointed.

Kelli: I’ll have to give Ali her own food corner on Quiche-Anon.

Matt: Fun fact about this podcast, it’s a podcast about conspiracy theories and food, but not usually food.

Kelli: We just get sidetracked and forget.

Matt: I do want to talk about the tacos I made tonight though but first,

Kelli: interested to hear about

Matt: yes, but first Marilyn.

Kelli: Marilyn. Poor Norma Jean on June 1st, 1926. You know her, she was married thrice first to James Dardy. That was 1942 to 46. Then to Joe DiMaggio, 54 to 55 and Arthur Miller, 56 61. a real bombshell, right. Everyone knows

Matt: How many times was she married?

Oh, alright. That’s me. Well like me and Ross Geller

Kelli: Yes. You Ross Geller and Marilyn.

Matt: That’s a,

Kelli: men’s club together.

Matt: We do, but there’s a basketball hoop.

Kelli: I’m actually just laughing about the thinking of you like having like an accidental fourth wedding. Cause you’re just in vaccine summer, you just take it, you take it too far.

Matt: According to my calculations, I’ve got a few years, cause I seem to have done it in every decade of my adult life. I was married once in my twenties, once in my thirties, once in my forties. So I’m good until I get to my fifties, then, you know?

Kelli: I on the other hand have never taken a husband. I’ve heard it’s a huge hassle. Everyone I know that has one complains about it. 

Okay. So Marilyn, after she was recently divorced from Arthur Miller died August 4th, 1962 at the age of 36, the official cause of death on the first autopsy was a suicide using barbiturates at her home on Helena drive in Los Angeles.

So I’m gonna do a little background on what Marilyn’s life was like leading up to her death. Please feel free to be as funny as possible

while we talk about her tragic last days her career had really slowed down due to a lot of personal struggles. She was going through, she had some substance abuse issues and just mental health struggles in general.

But in April of 1962, so like four months before she died, I just had to count on my fingers. She had been working at a new film with the fox studio but they fired her from the film saying she was making, filming a problem. She wasn’t showing up on time. She had all this stuff going on. Dean Martin was also in the movie and. He quit the movie after Fox fired Marilyn. And that’s when they really started putting out, because he said he would only film a movie with Marilyn and he thought they were kind of railroading her, which I think they were. once he quit Fox started putting out bad press about how she was drunk on set and you’re taking pills and like a mess to work with.

But from what I’ve gathered from a few interviews, I read that actually wasn’t true. She was just trying to get a fair contract. Cause this was still in the days of the studio system. So the studios owned their actors and actresses.

Matt: that’s not a very good one. 

I’m paying attention. 

Kelli: I don’t even care if you are. It was just funny. 

 Okay. So, Oh also trivia I learned Marilyn Monroe was Truman Capote. First choice for Holly Golightly in breakfast at Tiffany’s that would have been such a different film. 

Matt: Yes. It would have been a good film. Just a very different

Kelli: Oh, it would have been amazing. Horny breakfast at Tiffany’s. 

Matt: That’s the episode title: Horny breakfast at Tiffany’s.

Kelli: please but, okay. So one of the reasons it’s important to know what was going on in her career at the time is because they started to say that one of her motives for suicide was because she had been fired by Fox for being a mess. However, in the days before her death, she had actually negotiated and re-signed with Fox.

So her career was not

over like she had actually, they had renegotiated, they had come to an agreement and it seems like everyone was getting a little bit of what they wanted, even though Fox had put out all this bad fake press about her. Cause Dean Martin walked away with her. Okay. So. Let’s see, I lost my place, so sorry. Okay. So August 4th, the last day of her life, she was with her publicist, Patricia new comb her housekeeper, Eunice, Marie, a photographer, Lawrence Schiller, and her psychiatrist, Ralph Greenspan. the psychiatrist before he left her for the day, asked the housekeeper to stay overnight, to keep an eye on her and keep her company. And we know she was alive at Peter Lawford was an actor, you know, Peter Lawford. Okay. So Peter Lawford spoke with her. He said at 8:00 PM and I believe the phone records show that a call had occurred. Yeah. Whatever phone records you could get in 1962, I’m not sure.

So. 

Matt: called Mabel and asked her to look it up down at the main junction.

Kelli: Yes. I’m able to Mabel the operator.

Matt: says, 

Kelli: So I says Mabel, I was to Marilyn. So Peter Lawford says he spoke with her at 8:00 PM because she didn’t want to go to a party or he wanted her to go to a party.

She 

said, 

no, 

he said, she sounded kind of messed up. Like she was on something. So Peter Lawford and also he’s really connected to all of this too.

So we have to remember Peter Lawford at this time was married to a Kennedy. And as we get into later, it was rumored that Kennedy was also in Marilyn’s home. The night she died, which one? or Bobby, Jack, or Bobby. 

Matt: stay tuned.

Kelli: He said she sounded medicated. So around eight 30, Peter Lawford called her agent who called her psychiatrist who called the housekeeper.

The housekeeper said, she’s in bed. She’s fine. This is where it gets fuzzy later on, because this was way early in the night before, like she, the ambulance was called at around 3:00 AM. She was pronounced dead. So this is still between eight and 9:00 PM that they’re saying she sounds medicated. And the housekeeper says, no, she’s totally

fine. 

Later on, because I had to go through a few theories but they all have the same kind of basis, but just remember that the housekeeper said she was fine and in bed during this time, but this was well before she was dead based on the autopsy. And later on, someone will assert that maybe she wasn’t alone and the housekeeper was covering for her.

Okay. So in the initial record, it says that the housekeeper called the ambulance at 3:50 AM. And she was pronounced dead at 4:25 AM. They did an autopsy and said, she died of an accidental overdose or a suicide using barbiturates. Some people argue that it was an accidental overdose, but the original doctor who did the autopsy said it had to be a suicide because the drugs that were in her system were all taken at once.

Matt: which you’d normally wouldn’t do.

Kelli: so in 1983, Thomas Nagoocci published his memoirs. He was the original doctor who did the autopsy. I wrote down in my notes that he was the coroner to the stars because he also did the autopsies of Sharon Tate, Robert F. Kennedy, Belushi, and Natalie Wood.  

there’s an accent. 

Matt: His curriculum vetay although not so vetay because they did

Kelli: and I feel like, I mean, I guess I would want to look into Natalie Wood’s autopsy. That’s a good conspiracy for later 

Matt: yeah. Spin off. 

Kelli: spin off Quiche-Anon autopsy. So many people refuted the autopsy saying that there were things present or things not present that indicate she was murdered. So Thomas Noguchi, Gucci wrote his memoirs though and disputed all these claims.

So I am going to run through them before we get to the conspiracy side. So some people said that she couldn’t have ingested all the pills at once because her stomach were empty. That didn’t, That wasn’t correct. English. That’s my bad. I’ve had several skinny, spicy margarita us. 

Matt: this spicy? What messes with your grammar?

Kelli: So some people assert that she couldn’t have ingested all of the pills at once because during the autopsy, her stomach was empty and they were saying that the pills would have still been

there, 

Matt: wouldn’t have completely

been 

Kelli: you don’t digest pills. Right. But that’s you said the magic word pills.

Aren’t like digested, like you do food, they’re absorbed into your stomach lining.

Matt: Yeah, 

Kelli: So then people said, well, the pills she took would have been absorbed in her stomach lining and left a residue and Thomas Dingo, she was like, no, 

that’s 

Matt: it turns out no, they wouldn’t. 

Kelli: right. The only. Thing that is kind of true. Is this the autopsy noted?

No needle marks, but she regularly injected herself with medication. But that could also just be, he didn’t see any fresh needle marks. So there was nothing that was done at night, but it also could have just been like a bad,

I don’t know. 

It was the 1960s who’s to say what was happening back then. Drink.

Okay. So in 1964, this is two years after her death. Anti-communist activist. Frank capital wrote a pamphlet called the strange death of Marilyn Monroe and claim the murder was a communist conspiracy,

Matt: Oh,

we haven’t really had the communists around the show yet.

We’ve been very 

Kelli: I’m pro Commie, so it’ll just be an episode of support. he claimed the murder was a communist 

Matt: Quiche-Anon that? Pinko commie rag. Is it a rag? If it’s not the thing you read, could a podcast be a rag?

Kelli: People can read this. We are ADA accessible.

Matt: That’s true. 

We do have the transcript. So 

we are a pinko commie rag,

Kelli: We sure are Okay. So he claimed that Monroe and Robert F. Kennedy were having an affair and she wanted to take it public. So RFK had to assassinate 

her because that’s your only choice, your only way to stop it.

Matt: Yeah. That’s obviously what a way to do it just

Kelli: is me watching every Dateline I’m like you could have just divorced her. 

Matt: right. 

Kelli: And RFK Arthur Miller, Marilyn Monroe, and her doctors were all communist sympathizers, allegedly, but I think they were makes sense. So an LAPD Sergeant aided Frank capital and making this pamphlet, his name was Jack Clemons and he was the first police officer on the scene. And he said, when he got to the house that housekeeper was washing all the bedding while her body was still on the bed,

Matt: In the middle of the night.

Kelli: 4:25 

Matt: Yeah, 

this is very usual and correct, 

Kelli: That’s what I always play. I always do sheets liquor usually. Correct? Sure. So Capella and Clemons were basically professional conspiracists,

Matt: right guys. So 

Kelli: which I love because that’s what we’re trying to become. We’re trying to,

Matt: We’re not doing a very good job, but we are trying. 

Kelli: one of our fives of listeners sponsor us. So that was early after her. Dad’s 64. Is that it was a communist or an anticommunist murder? I don’t know. It confused me because did RFK one her murdered or like the anticommunist want to shut them up? Like, which is it pick a lane. Where are you going to say it?

Matt: Yeah. You

Kelli: Shit. Pick a lane. Oh, all right. 

Matt: This was easier when we didn’t try to be so v profesh.

I was going to say, by the way, this is us trying to be professional.

Kelli: I didn’t get your memo about Val 

Matt: Val

quit

Kelli: took longer than I thought Okay. So we’re going to travel in time now to the 1970s. Ooh, hippies. Ooh, What else was happening in the seventies? Crocheted clothing. 

Ooh. 

Matt: seventies. Wasn’t so much with the hippies. Seventies was.

Kelli: but there was crocheted clothing in the 

seventies. I’ve seen pictures. 

Matt: leisure suits 

Kelli: Woo. Polyester has put some polyester, leisure suits in your mind.

We’re going to focus on how Norman mailer wrote a book called Marilyn biography in which he asserts that Marilyn Monroe was killed by the FBI, or maybe the CIA because of her affair with RFK and the CIA and FBI wanted to use her murder as a point of pressure with RFK to stop his communist sympathies.

Matt: complicated,

Kelli: Right. Just seems like, like she’s just a woman trapped in a bad situation with a bunch of communists and the Kennedy’s

Matt: and everybody wants her dad. It’d be easier just to like go around and just to be like, raise your hand. If you didn’t kill Marilyn.

Kelli: Everyone did, according to these theories online, every single person, they all killed her for RFK, but they all had different reasons. So I don’t know. Robert F slats in 1975 wrote a book also saying she was killed by RFK himself. It’s escalating for RFK who at this point is also dead.

Matt: right. So it’s fine 

Kelli: So you can just say whatever the fuck you want about him,

but Kennedy’s were broken at this point. Slats are also new Marilyn Monroe. And he also asserted in this book that they were secretly married in Mexico for three days.

Matt: that he was secretly married to Marilyn for three

Kelli: Not R no. RFK was secretly,

Matt: Oh, it would have been 

Kelli: That wasn’t clear, Marilyn Monroe did not marry a random conspiracy theory, a novelist in Mexico for three days. What would, how would Robert have explained that to Ethel?

I just, that doesn’t seem like a Catholic Kennedy

Matt: Well, uh,

Kelli: I don’t know. Okay. 

Matt: you know, like, don’t do that again.

Kelli: no, you can do whatever you want. This is America. So in 1975, Anthony wrote an article in Oui that’s. Oh, UI, not WWII. We okay. A soft core porn magazine and then later expanded into a book. He claims Monroe kept a diary called the red book where she wrote down confidential info, told to her by both John F. Kennedy Jr. And Robert F. Kennedy. He also claims that Marilyn Monroe’s house was wiretapped by Jimmy Hoffa.

We have another player entering the game, 

Matt: Oh, 

Kelli: I’m still mad about the three and a half hours. I spent watching the Irishman 

like, alright, no, I’m still, I still have regrets. Jimmy Hoffa wanted to incriminate the Kennedys and he knew Marilyn had this secret info, this confidential info from both Kennedy brothers.

So he had her house. wiretapped,

Matt: but didn’t seem to get anything out of it 

that we know

Kelli: well, you have to wait till we get to the later decades. I took this decade by decade conspiracy. 

Matt: it. This is the chronological. There 

Kelli: all build on each other. Yeah. There’s layers here. J. Edgar Hoover hasn’t even entered the chat yet. Right? But Jimmy, the Kennedys didn’t like Jimmy Hoffa, they wanted to break up his like mob rule. I don’t know something about the Teamsters, maybe 

Matt: Yeah, buried under soldier fields or

Kelli: somewhere. No, I think he’s in a Detroit parking lot.

Matt: Oh, why did I think it was something connected to soldier field?

Kelli: Maybe we should dig around soldier 

Matt: Maybe we should. 

Kelli: for the show.

Matt: No, it’s okay. We’re doing this for a podcast. It’s okay. We have, what do you got a note? Yes. 

Kelli: If any of our listeners are very wealthy and want to send Matt and I on an excursion around the U S to find Jimmy Hoffa or do whatever, really,

Matt: Yeah, it doesn’t even have to be that it could just be the drink. 

Kelli: whatever we’re down. Alright, so now we’re time traveling further. It’s the 1980s, cocaine is King.

Matt: like walking around with a boombox on their

Kelli: uh, everyone has a boombox on their shoulders.

There’s still leisure suits, but now they’re neon and the women are wearing them

Matt: with the big, shoulder pads. 

Kelli: so many shoulder pads nine to five, 

right?

Matt: What a way to make a living 

Kelli: So we have Milos Baroo glio, but it’s not even close, not even a little bit close. 

Matt: shot. 

Kelli: shit, he’s a private detective, whatever. And he also claims that Marilyn Monroe was killed by Jimmy Hoffa and knowing mob associates, Sam Giancarlo.

Th his source was the grants. Oh, I remember this. Now I did this research a while ago. It’s all coming back to me. His source was someone named Grandison from the LA County coroner’s office. Grandison was there the night they did Marilyn Monroe’s autopsy. It’s important to know that Grandison is not a good source or a good person, because he was fired from the LA County coroner’s office for stealing things from the dead bodies.

They were doing autopsies

Matt: Not so much a character witness.

I mean, but if you can’t trust someone who steals shit off of dead bodies, who can you trust?

Kelli: Jimmy Hoffa. 

So, they think that Grandison had the red diary for awhile or knew what was in the red diary, because it apparently was on her person when she died. I doubt it.

Matt: just tucked into her waistband?

Kelli: The maid obviously would have gotten it when she went to clean the sheets.

Matt: She’s like the main is like, you know, yeah. Changing the bedding, but doesn’t leave out. Like, 

Kelli: Yeah, you just, the maid is like yelling at the cops to get out of her crime scene so she can clean it up. he alleged that Hoffa. He heard the tapes that Hoffa had of like the wiretapping of the house. there were tapes that Jimmy Hoffa had from people white. He wiretapped a lot of people that was like something he loved. 

Matt: was the thing that happened. 

Kelli: Everyone has hobbies.

Matt: Yeah. It’s an avocation.

Kelli: Ooh, big word. 

Matt: I have a couple 

of 

Kelli: you. Did you go to college and everything

Matt: For a year. I stuck around until after we learned the word advocation. And then I was

Kelli: then you were 

Matt: as I need. I’m 

Kelli: I’ve peaked. I can get anywhere with advocation. So two people have listened to the Jimmy Hoffa tapes,

Maryland. 

Matt: have listened to Quiche-Anon sorry, one Kelly’s mom. 

Kelli: We just want to be more popular than Jimmy Hoffa’s secret wiretap tapes. Yeah.

Matt: all. That’s all we need. We just need better Google analytics scores than that. 

Kelli: Both people who listened to them said that there were many Daves of many inappropriate wire tappings they were none from Marilyn, but I do believe her house was wire tapped by J Edgar Hoover, that bastard. Okay. So now in the 1980s, there’s also a British journalist named Anthony Summers who claimed this is where RFK really gets thrown under the bus and he’s easily the only acceptable Kennedy.

Oh, this guy, just side note, Anthony Summers also wrote a book about conspiracy theories about who killed JFK, which is another episode we’ve yet to do. Cause it just seems like a lot to tackle. And I don’t have a lot of time. And now it’s hot

Matt: be like, it’ll be like an anniversary episode. Did you say it’s hot girl? Summer are

Kelli: It’s a very busy with hot girl summer, Matt already. It’s 

only 

Matt: we, I thought we decided this was hot everybody summer. Cause everyone’s feral,

Kelli: I mean, if we’re being honest, so it’s always hot Kelli summer. Like I’m very busy. It’s

Matt: We need to have that that’ll go in our merch store is t-shirts that say hot Kelli summer?

Kelli: Kelli, that’s just me walking around the Lake front doing conspiracy research.

Matt: Well, it’s just a t-shirt that says hot Kelli summer.

Kelli: Yeah, well, no, I know. I just meant that’s what happens during that. I’m not trying to get you to sketch that on the t-shirt. Wow. Well, I’m pretty buzzed, so I haven’t eaten in awhile. So I’m going to have to really work through this, the stuff that I wrote down like weeks ago. Okay. RFK and JFK, both had affairs with Marilyn Monroe. 

Matt: Okay.

Kelli: The assertion here is that she had a one nighter with JFK, 

maybe one or two 

Matt: so it was a little shorty, 

Kelli: a fleeing. No, not a big deal. Very chill about it. Right. 

Matt: It was hot Marilyn week. Not even a whole summer. 

Kelli: just hot Marilyn may, but her and RFK had a longer-term like thing. She was much more emotionally involved with RFK as the assertion here and that. So RFK and Peter Lawford enabled her addiction to try and kill her. And Lawford was still married to Patricia Kennedy. So this guy, Anthony Summers alleges that RFK was actually secretly there.

The night that she died and Marilyn was getting hysterical. Cause RFK was like ending things or he was threatening her who knows. The housekeeper called nine one one, cause Marilyn was hysterical and she died before they got there. So RFK just had to like pretend that she died in the bed and fled. And this is when RFK called Peter Lawford to secret him out of town. And RFK was in LA the night. She died.

Matt: but then Peter, Lawford got him out. 

Kelli: Peter Lawford got him out of there. And J Edgar Hoover, RFK called J and J Edgar Hoover, terrible miserable bastard. And J Edgar Hoover sent some guys into stage of the scene. Make sure it was, looked like a suicide.

I made sure the autopsy was done to call it a suicide. 

Does that make sense? 

Matt: got it. There were layers. their moving parts. 

Okay. 

Kelli: like all the previous conspiracy theories and puts them together kind of like saying that not only was RFK, the reason she died, but he was there.

Matt: It was actually there. And that there. 

was, Yeah. there was a plot, 

Kelli: And that him and Peter Lawford were always giving her drugs and pills and whatever to like, cause they knew she was on psych meds too.

And they were just enabling her addiction it’s actually terribly abusive if they did the, you know what I mean? But 

it’s, she would not be a

Matt: Competent not witnessed, but

Kelli: I can’t think of the 

words. 

Matt: Yeah. 

Kelli: Yeah. Basically. So that no one will believe her 

credible. Thank you. They were all working to make her non-credible cause she was just a threat to everything.

So then w well, and RFK obviously would be able to contact Andrew Hoover. So they, you know, had some, whoever come in to make it look like it was an ODI and made sure that the coroner ruled it a suicide so that there could be no, questions. all right. Now we’re in the nineties. 

Matt: A lot of flannel, 

Kelli: flannel.

Matt: Those like weird rough woven hoodies with the pockets, you know what I’m talking about? I don’t remember what they were called.

Kelli: In the nineties, I had my starter jackets and nothing else.

Matt: I will find a picture of these things. I don’t remember what they were called, but they were kind of like a hoodie, but they were like a really rough, like weave to them. And then they had like the pockets in the front and like, ties. It didn’t do anything. And they were usually in weird colors, like color patterns.

I’ll find it. And if I do, I’ll put it in the show notes. spoiler, I probably won’t remember what else is happening in the nineties? People were listening to Billy Corgan. For some reason. We hadn’t quite realized he was complete piece of shit yet. So there was that

Kelli: I was watching a lot of the little mermaid bill Clinton. He’s having a scandal with the interns. Anyway, take yourself back to the nineties. I’m sure you can get there more easily than the other decades. So Peter Brown and someone Barnum batty, Barnum. The circus guy wrote a book about Marilyn. It’s called Marilyn the last take.

And a guy named Wolf wrote the last day of Marilyn Monroe. And they do assert with some facts.

Matt: Like when you said a guy named Wolf, like that’s like this thing where, you know, your friend from college is like, you know, and I, yeah, I got to bring along my buddy Wolf. Like we were in the frat together. Yeah. His name was Wolf.

Kelli: I was obviously at the end of my research journey here and I was no longer writing down first names. I no longer cared. So some guy named Wolf, it might be his first name. It might be his last name. He might just be like Cher. He wrote a book called the last day of Marilyn Monroe or meatloaf. 

Matt: Meatloaf is two words though, right? 

Kelli: No, 

Matt: No, I’m pretty sure it is when it’s the singer. I think he’s meatloaf. I think he’s 

Kelli: Wait. He He’s “Meat M. Loaf”?. you mean we need, I need to look this up right now. Podcast research. 

Matt: Sure.

Kelli: Oh, it is. It’s spaced out. The fuck?

Matt: It was a weird time, man. 

Mr. Loaf.

Kelli: No. Oh my God. It’s so dirty now.

Matt: Well, that actually makes me think of Bull Durham though. Why? Why do you keep calling me meat

Kelli: I Uber driver this morning had paradise by the dashboard lights playing. That was like, sir, it is seven 30 in the morning.

Matt: 20, 21? 

Kelli: Are we listening to something I only put on at 4:00 AM? Okay. So Wolf. All right. Okay. So they bring you some facts into these conspiracy theories, whatever. It seems kind of rude of them, but we have some, so basically they’re saying Marilyn Monroe did die of an accidental overdose, not a suicide because her medical doctor was prescribing her Nebia tol and her psychiatrist was prescribing her.

Chloral hydrate enemas. And you can’t take those things together. And in the year 2021, you really can’t take either cause they’re not safe. But, you say it had to be an accidental overdose because of how she would have, she did finally reach a new agreement with Fox and word on their street is what they say is that she was going to remarry. Joe,

Matt: Well, I mean, so the only thing I’ll say is just because.

To the well, it’s definitely not going to be the only thing I’m going to say, but if the argument is, well, it could have been a suicide because things were so great for her.

All of a sudden it’s like, there’s all kinds of reasons, you know? Like, because something look. Yeah. But if,

Kelli: I think we have to remember this was the sixties and psychiatry. And so I think. I think people just find it suspicious that her life was actually on the upswing. Like she had taken two years off of movies. So like, why would she kill herself right before

things 

sort of happening, No, no, no. 

Matt: you don’t know. Right. 

Kelli: I agree with

you, but I 

think I’m saying in the sixties, I think then we only thought suicide was something you did. If like your life was just taking a wrong turn.

I do think knowing the medications she was on, which we have the autopsy, so we know what meds she was on. Right. Those are things today that like, if I gave those in combination to someone, I would think they would die.

So to me, an accidental overdose is not,

Matt: No. And to be fair, I mean, the Kelli, I know, you know, I’m saying this for our fives of listeners

that no. In terms of like, I, 

Kelli: I’m saying, I think when people are writing about this now using our lens of now, they’re not remembering like what the mental health was in the sixties or what, like meds were

Matt: Totally. I just was saying like, again, for our fives of listeners, that

Kelli: my mom,

my friend Allie. 

Matt: complex and 

Kelli: Yes. 

Matt: not just dismissed by. Oh. But everything, it couldn’t have been that because

Kelli: Correct. 

Matt: great just because things look like they’re great. Doesn’t mean that there can’t be more things going on.

Kelli: No, you’re absolutely right. I think the sixties were, I mean, they, obviously, they also said she was just like a drug addict in the sixties and 

she was just like, not yeah. And I was like, well, okay. We don’t use those words anymore. She had substance use disorder, like, yeah. But I think it’s also sorry if you guys just all heard me like hardcore swallow my marg,  

Matt: by the way in case anybody’s wondering that was Kelly’s original AOL chat name was hardcore swallow.

Kelli: Do you want to hear a funny story about my AOL chat name? So I was like 13 and my dad enters our computer room, which is a thing we used to have back in the day. And he sees that my AOL screen name is “PeachyCream” and he loses his shit. Cause he’s like, what the fuck is this? Mind you, I had no idea. Yeah.

Matt: That’s what I was going to say. Like, you were completely oblivious. 

Kelli: And it’s a fight. 

I remember between me, my mom and my dad, where I was 13 and just sobbing because I was a 13 year old and my dad was just thought I was engaging in some like child sex trafficking, probably because my screen name was “PeachyCream”. my mom is yelling, trying to remind him that I have no idea what the,

Matt: Well, at least it wasn’t hardcore swallow.

Kelli: ever since then, it’s just been all about Kelli

Matt: This is how it happens.

Kelli: 15. It’s a nice 13 year old girl.

Matt: but why was it 15 if you were 13.

Kelli: I was born on the 15th.

Matt: Okay. I gotcha. 

Yeah. 

Kelli: Like my screen name was PeachyCream15, and my away messages were all Backstreet boys lyrics. So just so you know, I was super cool and 

definitely knew what sex.

Matt: My first screen name was spooky Fox, which is a X-Files reference. No, cause David had covered his character was Fox Boulder 

Kelli: Oh, 

Matt: Fox Mulder. 

So 

Kelli: at least you had a target audience

Matt: yeah, I did. Didn’t ask me how well I did pick it up. The ladies with the screen name called spooky fox,

Kelli: did it go for you? 

Matt: Actually fairly well because the internet was full of nerds at that time.

Kelli: You were niche?

Matt: Yes. Yes.

Kelli: all right, well

Matt: Alright, PeachyCream. So what’s next?

Kelli: triggering me 

Matt: Yeah. You’re like I have regrets.

Kelli: They read this book in the nineties, it’s full of bad mental health information, and they don’t know what motives for suicide are or how drug abuse works. So we’ll just ignore Brown, Batman and Wolf in the two thousands. So 

I don’t think we have to transport you there, 

Matt: You know what? I have very little memory of the two thousands and that cause like I was drunk, but I don’t know how that decade is

Kelli: but also because you were trapped,

Matt: I pro well there was that, 

Kelli: there is a blending. 

Matt: what was the two thousands 

Kelli: Well, the two thousands is when I like really, 

Matt: Peached into your cream? 

Kelli: Peached into my cream. My dad also famously once walked into me, chatting on AOL and some guy who I didn’t really know, but he was like a friend of mine. Cousins told me to go get stoned.

And that was another Epic I’m like, dad, you have to announce yourself before you enter the computer room. The two thousands was when I was in college and high school. So we had lots of layered tank tops and very low rise jeans with your thong, hanging out the back, very low rise jeans. If they ever come back, I don’t know.

 I might have to go full Gray Gardens and just never leave my mansion in upstate New York. I can’t live through low-rise jeans twice. It’s an unfair, it’s unfair to any human

Matt: no, you can’t ask that of anyone. 

Kelli: it’s inhumane. So Jan miner and Matthew Smith, and the two thousands claimed that the psychiatrist had tapes of Monroe that he had recorded leading up to her death. And I do believe these tapes exist because again, if we look at the sixties, they were definitely recording every, whatever. And he was also like at her house all the time.

There were weird boundaries in the sixties.

Matt: Well, that was a little bit like in the first season of mad men where like, Betty Draper’s like going into analysis and then like her shrink, like calls her husband and is like, all right, well, here’s what we talked about, Oh, fantastic.

That’s not a problem at all.

Kelli: This is a very weird time in the sixties. for psychiatry, especially. I mean, it was truly just like at that time, I mean, really psychiatry was for the wealthy it’s still kind of is because we don’t have Medicare for all, but that’s a whole separate podcast I’d have to do 

Matt: There’s not really much of a conspiracy about that. It’s just that there’s a bunch of rich white people. that, that don’t want nice things for other 

people. 

There you go. That’s the problem. 

Kelli: it wouldn’t be, 

a conspiracy.

Matt: It’s pretty wide open. We 

Kelli: It would just be me ranting, a good solid 90 minute rant for our listeners.

Matt: that’ll be on the bonus. If you subscribe to our Patreon, you can get the bonus episode, which has Kelli ranting about Medicare for all for 90 minutes.

Kelli: Why don’t we have it. We’re 

the only developed country without it. Tell 

me someone’s reasons 

Matt: I thought she meant why don’t we have a Patreon.

Kelli: That too, Matt. Why don’t we have a Patreon 

Matt: There are probably more efficient ways for you to get money from your mother.

Kelli: I just venmo request her.

Matt: I would say it is again, it’s very easy. So actually, if we’re cutting, actually we’re cutting patriarch. Cause Patreon is kind of shitty right now. All right. So the CEO of Patreon is apparently also a musician of some bearded variety. And the other day he posted a YouTube to announce that they were laying off.

So first of all, it’s so it’s five minutes long and he starts by saying, you know, it’s such a bummer, he’s got this, you know, it’s so hard to be a CEO to make these tough decisions. And, you know, basically they were laying off like 30% of their, like all of their engineers and all of them, product people.

And, Oh my God, it’s so hard to make these decisions. And, but it’s okay. Like, it’s not because we’re not doing well. We just got another round of funding and we’ve got like hundreds of millions of dollars, but we have to move forward. You know? So it’s like the whole thing is number one, Basically what he’s trying to say is that the things they need to do, their current employees don’t have experience doing.

So instead of like, you know, having a growth mindset or whatever, it’s just like, we’ll just fire them all and let’s just hire new people. Cause that’s a smart idea. And, but the worst part was that in this YouTube, this video, it’s him basically like talking about how hard this is for him, because these people are like family and they’re like, no, one’s feeling sorry for you, asshole.

And also it takes them like two and a half minutes. Like he starts out by saying, they’re going to lay off all these people and then talks about himself for two minutes before he even gets to why they’re doing it. So anyway I was going to say not a good week or two for like, you know, Silicon Valley startups by founded by white dudes, but they’re actually acting the way they always act.

Anyway, we don’t like Patreon right now and we definitely don’t like base camp.

Kelli: This is 

fine. 

Matt: since we don’t have a Patreon and all you have to do is Venmo, Kelli, and then she will leave you a 90 minute voicemail ranting about Medicare for all. I’m imagining like this is because if you had to do it for 90 minutes, it would be like, like at that parks and rec episode where Patton Oswalt played the character that had to filibuster about Star Wars. And if you ever go look online, it’s a 14 minute scene and he improvised the entire thing, like Patton Oswalt, just, yes.

He just goes for 14 minutes making up shit about star Wars and it is amazing.

Kelli: could go for 90 minutes about the insurance companies. Easy.

Matt: Yeah. Without stopping 

Kelli: I do it. I bet. Every day at work, I do an aggregate 90 minutes 

Matt: for free, 

Kelli: for free, just as a bonus of 

having me as your employee. 

what were you talking about?

**Matt: ** Oh, that in the sixties psychiatry and mental health was for

rich 

Kelli: yeah. Hmm. 

Matt: but maybe not as, quite as 

Kelli: Yeah, no one psychiatrist typically or other house anymore, unless you’re Michael Jackson, Prince or any other celebrity who’s died of a fentanyl overdose. Again, a rant. I will give you a few Venmo me. So, so basically Matthew Smith in the nineties writes how her death wasn’t even an accidental overdose, but that she was addicted to and abusing these chloral hydrate enemas and her housekeeper was the one administering them.

And that’s why the housekeeper was actually always there. she’s addicted

Matt: what is in these enemas?

Kelli: one moment I want to get my facts right before I tell you.

Matt: I thought you were looking at the ingredients on yours. You’re like, hang on a second. Let me

Kelli: I just put one in, but I took it out really quick to look at the ingredients.

 I’m not going to, okay. I don’t need to make the science. All right. I’m acting like 

Matt: generally, 

right? 

Kelli: at work right now. And I’m 

like, let me explain to the patient, it’s a sedative. So in the sixties it was very popular that it would be given as an enema. 

Matt: guess why not

Kelli: well needed a little fun in the sixties. Free love, baby. 

Matt: Jack Nicholson in Batman. This town needs an enema.

Kelli: Everyone needs one enema as a treat. No, it’s just, it’s basically a sedative. And it’s supposed to in the sixties, it was actually used to induce sleep before like surgeries. So she was kind of abusing though. She was addicted to these. It would basically be the equivalent of today’s Ambien addiction, except it was an enema. but he wrote that the CIA and J Edgar Hoover murdered Monroe without the Kennedy’s consent, because she was about to tell everyone the secrets of the Bay of pigs invasion, which seems 

super specific for her. She was like, I have this full red book. I will focus on the Bay of pigs. 

Matt: to tell you about the Bay of pigs? Well, I mean, that’s kind of a big one. 

Kelli: that’s fair. Matthew Smith is the one that wrote that she just had a one nighter with JFK and it didn’t mean anything, but her and RFK were like in love. Which is fair to everyone involved because RFK had one baby every six months with Ethel Kennedy. I don’t even know how he did it. 

The man was in machine

Matt: it sounds like she was involved in that frequency though, too. Cause like every six months 

that’s a medical Marvel, 

Kelli: former president Trump, you know, remember him, it seems like just yesterday. He did release the JFK files from the FBI and J Edgar Hoover. And in these files, it does say that the affair between Marilyn Monroe and RFK was being threatened to be released to the public and bring down the Kennedy’s.

And if you remember when Marilyn died, like JFK was still in office, so you have to remember the timeframes. So it would have been 

a big 

deal. 

He was the attorney general. So this would have been a big thing. So this was a real part of this conspiracy. I think I was on some special. Medicine when I was 

researching this. And by the end, I believe J Edgar Hoover killed her.

Matt: but you don’t remember how you got there now.

Kelli: I think it’s all bringing it back to me now. I think cause I did look at the FBI files that were released about this in 2017 that Trump released and I did, I was like, Oh, they were going to reveal this affair. It would have brought down the Kennedys. No one was more image obsessed in the Kennedys.

So I bet they called their friend JL and were like, Hey, but I’ll be semi-serious for like, just one 30 seconds. But it’s just like, look at the people who we easily kill and dispose of today. And she would have been a great victim. Cause she was had mental health issues. She was a woman who was alone.

She had been divorced three times. Like at that time in society, like she would have been very easy to kill and no one would have thought it was suspicious.

Matt: Right. 

Kelli: And the housekeeper also confirmed to the FBI in an interview, but it was mostly redacted. But from what I gather that RFK was there the night of her death, but it didn’t say that he was there when she died, but he was there at some point.

Oh, and then some other crazy guy named Dr. Steven Greer said that she wasn’t going to expose the Bay of pigs, but that during their one night stand. So mind you she’s boning JFK for one night, right? It’s their one night together, a very sexy president who allegedly had some erectile dysfunction issues, but that’s his problem and the hottest woman on the planet at this time 

Matt: and 

they’re talking about the Bay of pigs. 

Kelli: Nope. Roswell. 

Matt: Oh, right. 

Kelli: He thinks that he, she, he thinks that 

JP Jr.

Matt: you know, while you’re down there, let me tell you about these of Roswell. 

Kelli: It’s like, imagine the pillow talk. Do you want to know? What’s really at Roswell baby, like, come on. Anyway. Yeah. So then Jagger Hoover had her murdered and then murdered JFK Jr. It was an inside job. And then

Matt: And then everybody was dead.

Now it’s time to talk about tacos. that’s pretty much where we got to. 

 So I just want to point out that we were supposed to… that was a face

Kelli: It’s my Roswell face. 

Matt: That could be a meme

Kelli: Yeah.

Matt: for this is when you all 

listening are like sad. This is, 

Kelli: in my eye and had to do some weird shit.

Matt: So I we were going to record this last week, but I’d begged off. Cause it was like the one night I had with my kids and I was like, ah, I don’t want to spend the only night this week. Like during the podcast. I mean, I kind of do it.

Kelli: It’s like, he’s not as committed as he should be to the 

podcast, like to committed to his children.

Matt: Kelli said some would say your children are more important than the podcast. 

Some. 

Kelli: Not all

Matt: Okay. I said those people that are fools, she said, they’re very dumb. But anyway, I asked what the topic was. I said, or is it a secret? And I said, Oh no, I did that. The Kennedy’s or maybe J Edgar Hoover murdered and all caps.

Marilyn Monroe.

Kelli: I do. You know 

what? Fuck this. I believe it. I 

think they killed her. 

Matt: well, and then she goes on to say, let me know if you want a different topic, but please don’t want a different topic because I believe they murdered her. Now. I am one of the people we make fun of.

Kelli: I’ve become our audience 

or not. Our audience I’ve become the Q. I’ve become QAnon, but for Marilyn Monroe 

and without all the weird white supremacy,

 I’m like five bad dates away in hot Kelli summer from just like going full gray gardens and building my own conspiracy website.

Alright.

Matt: it seems right. And proper to me. Correct and true. Oh, see, that’s another thing that could go on to Quiche-Anon shirt. It’s just very correct and

true. 

Kelli: correct. And true. Who’s to say,

Matt: Who’s going to do our merch for us. Somebody step up.

Kelli: if you want to start a Patreon for it, that’s fine, but we don’t want to attach our names to that. Okay.

Matt: Yeah. We don’t want it on Patreon. You could do it on I dunno. There’s different ways. 

You know, you can start paying people for their tweets now

Kelli: But why

Matt: cause they rolled out this feature and someone’s like, 

how about if I raise $8,000, I will stop tweeting.

Kelli: Oh, I would do that. I would do that for some people. 

Ben Shapiro 

Matt: You can’t pay us to stop. 

Kelli: people have tried, 

Matt: I’m very excited about these tacos. 

Kelli: what did you make? 

Matt: so we started doing HelloFresh 

Kelli: This is not an ad, but hello, fresh. If you want to sponsor 

us, we’re 

available. 

Matt: Or stamps.com 

Kelli: MailChimp. 

Matt: the problem that I have with like hello, fresh and any of them, cause they all have the same problem.

Is they, your choices are to serving or for serving for the boxes I have, yes. I have three children. One of them doesn’t eat anything but chicken nuggets, so it doesn’t count. 

that’s Henry. 

Kelli: I’ll get that one. If anything happens to 

you. 

Matt: That’s perfect. You can handle that. So I was well, I don’t want to buy, like the one that’s like four servings, cause that’s way too much.

And so I kind of decided that I was going to do the two and then I would just make it on the nights they weren’t here and save the leftovers, but I’ve actually started making it with them because it turns out that two adult servings works about right. For an adult and two kids. It’s especially if we do a little something extra, you know, like throw on another vet or something like that.

so I asked the kids, I was like, all right. Okay, well, we’ve got two different things. Which one do you want? keeping in mind that whatever thing you don’t pick is what we’re having tomorrow night. So like, you know, you’re just deciding what to sign it. So it was like pork carnitas tacos, or like steak Babette or something.

Revet Napa bet. exactly. It, Sally Struthers comes running at you holding her bosoms 

Kelli: It’s just my face on Sally Struthers, body running towards here.

Matt: Yes, exactly. But they were, it was pretty simple, but it turned out really. It was like the most, It was, I think you’d love to hear where, like, this actually tastes really good. And I’m like, why are you so surprised also?

Kelli: Why are you 

so shocked? 

**Matt: ** I said, look, I’m like, well, I made dinner. I’m not doing the dishes. And Joey says, so wait, could it ever be that if I make dinner, you’ll do the dishes. I’m like, 

Kelli: Yeah. 

Matt: Yes. 

Kelli: That’s why I always make dinner because fuck the dishes 

Matt: Yeah. I was like, so do it. I’m like, here’s the recipe card for tomorrow. Take a look at it.

Tell me if you think you can do it, I’ll help you. And he’s like, no, I want to do it all by myself. I’m like, I’m going to help you.

Kelli: I was there last time when they made popcorn and they 

need some help.

I mean, you asked specifically, do you know how to make the popcorn without burning it? And then 

like 35 seconds later, you’re like

Matt: Burn popcorn. 

Yeah. 

Kelli: So burned.

Matt: Maybe you need me to teach you how to like minced garlic before trying to figure that out.

Kelli: I do think this is a fair warning though. Those meal delivery options. I got blue apron for a while and I also got the two servings cause I was just one person and it was easily like four to five meals for

me because I was scared of the calories at first. Cause sometimes it would be like a thousand calories a meal.

And I was like, Oh damn. And then I was like, Oh, I’m gonna eat like a third of this. And it’s 

very filling.

Matt: It’s I think it works. Like I, again, I had thought that it would be what I would do for dinner when they weren’t here and it’s actually working out to be a little bit better the other way around. And I’m a little more inclined to cook when they’re here. Like 

when I’m by myself, it’s so much easier to just be like, eh, Chips Ahoy sounds like dinner for me. I may have done that the other night. please. Don’t go back to older episodes of Quiche-Anon when I talk about this crazy,

you know, hardcore eating risk. 

Kelli: Are you not doing that, anymore? 

Matt: Oh God NOPE.

Kelli: You were so confident. 

Matt: I don’t know that I was ever confidence

Kelli: I should’ve asked Matt and I were like, Oh, we’re both vaccinated. And we can go hang out now. we’re trying to decide where to go to dinner. And Matt just goes, I want martinis and oysters. I was like, first of all, that’s my ideal meal. 

What I

would eat every night. I, 

what have I made lately? I’m trying to think I made some good stuff, 

but I don’t remember any of it now. 

That’s fine. 

**Matt: ** Well, the next episode of Quiche-Anon will likely include a recap of our oyster martini.

Kelli: Oh yeah, it should. We can talk about my standard meal at Gibson’s.

Matt: which is 

oysters then martinis 

Kelli: Well, it’s always martinis and then a wedge salad.

Matt: yeah, of course.

Kelli: I love a wedge. 

Matt: I was really upset. My kids wouldn’t do a wedge with me at Joe’s. Cause I really wanted one, but they didn’t. They’re like, I don’t like blue cheese and 

Kelli: that was those little dorks, 

Matt: Yeah. 

Kelli: correct? 

Matt: did you really, when you were 10?

Kelli: I probably did. I was a my favorite food for like years when I was a toddler was broccoli. Like who does 

Matt: Oh, I told you Joey, like his 

favorite thing is Brussels, but

anyway. Okay. So you got your oysters, you got your 

martini, you got your wedge 

Kelli: wedge salad, and then I’ll usually get either the main dish can vary. Right. Whatever we want. Cause I’ll usually just like split an entree at that point.

So it can be anything steak. I like their burger and their fries are top-notch cause they’re very thin and crispy or I’ll get there. Mahi. 

very good. 

Matt: And what’s the side 

Kelli: well I’ll get the French fries from there 

because 

they’re 

very 

Matt: fries or the side, 

Kelli: They’re very like they’re thin and well-seasoned, which is I don’t like most French fries, but I’ll get any side.

They also have this like crab, stuffed avocado I love.

And then you get, you know, a carrot cake, the size of your head for dessert. 

Matt: Watch the Quiche-Anon Insta for real time updates. cause cuts. We’re going to completely forget that anyway.

Kelli: Never post it. 

**Matt: ** I looked the other day and we did not have any new reviews,

Kelli: Oh, God people get it together.

Someone review us just please? just 

like one more review. 

I have no shame. 

just review our pod. 

Matt: as a treat,

Kelli: Yeah. As, a treat for me 

and Matt, 

Matt: but mostly Kelli.

Kelli: mostly me, Matt has other things going on in his life. He doesn’t need

Matt: Hell yeah. Not so much.

Kelli: to have your children at home chef.

Matt: That’s true. There you go. , as you may or may not know a big part of my job is like speaking at conferences and stuff, which these days is all done virtually. And the other day for this one conference, that’s coming up. One of the organizers, like, okay, we have this idea. And so for a bunch of the speakers, we’re going to do this thing with this celebrity chef, Christina Bauermen, who’s French, I guess. 

So a week from tomorrow, like Friday morning, because the chef is in France, then we’re all going to basically be on a zoom at the same time. And she sent us a dish to prepare and they’re shipping all the ingredients to all of us and we all cook it at the same time,

but there’s a timer going, you know?

So it’s sort of like a, cooking reality thing and then they’re going to edit it all together. And it’ll be this thing with these like tech speakers, I’ll try and to cook stuff together. So we’re making risotto with zucchini scarce style, raspberries and capers.

Kelli: What is scarce style? 

Matt: I don’t know,  

So, yeah. I hope everybody’s ready. Weady  

Kelli: It’s almost time.

I forgot what I supposed to say.

 I was trying to say the word.